Well, I guess I made it through the first holiday.
Thanksgiving itself wasn't too bad. It was good to be with Julie and the family even if it made me think about Christy the whole day; that would have happened anyway! Plus, I got to see Chico and his family for a while.
It was the next day that was so rough. On Friday, Julie wanted to put up their Christmas tree. This is something that I have been apart of for the last several years and usually a joy to do. However, this year, the mere thought of putting up Christmas decorations made me literally nauseous. I had to fight every fiber of my being not to run out the door!
You see, Christmas was Christy's favorite time of year BY FAR. She loved decorating the house, tree, and anything else she could get her hands on. She had collected the Willowtree Nativity Set and took great pride in setting that up every year. Thinking about doing any of that right now feels like getting kicked in the gut by a mule. Therefore, Friday was a tough day for me.
However, once we got into it, it became a blessing. Chris was outside putting up the icicle lights, so Julie and I were able to talk honestly about how all of this was affecting us. She, too, was struggling with decorating anything this year, but she knew that Christy would want us to do it for her. We talked about how God, in His own way, had been preparing us for what was to come. It was a further bonding of two lost, hurting souls that hopefully helps us both cope with these difficult days that are yet to come. I have a feeling we're gonna need all the help we can get!
Fighting the urge to run,
Josh
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2 comments:
Josh,
Reading this post was heartbreaking, but then most of life is heartbreaking right now. I can feel Christy’s presence so close sometimes that I think I can reach out and touch her. That brings me a sense of comfort but it also brings pain because the reality is that I can’t touch her and I so desperately want to. Thank you so much for helping us on Friday, you have no idea how much it meant to me. Since you didn’t take the Willow Tree nativity home with you, I put it up in your room. It’s beautiful and I can’t look at it without seeing my sweet girl. I love you!
Momma J
It is hard to have joy in the midst of such sadness. I felt such a delicate balance between partaking in life and retreating into my quiet place. There are no words, no ability to explain the pain of the absence. Josh you are so normal and I know that you feel anything but that right now. You are deeply loved and the Lord is so very near to you right now. We love you and think of you everyday!
Joanna and the other Hildebrands
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