Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A PP'sPs about Silverware

There are so many things that remind me of Christy; most remind me that she is no longer with me.

When I would do the dishes, I would always notice and be humored by the fact that there were always the same number of big forks as little forks. Because of her neck fusion and JRA in her jaw, Christy had to use little forks when she ate. I, however, being the big, strapping young man that I am, would always use big forks. There was always the same number of each.

A few days ago, I decided to do the dishes as it had been a while. When I was finishing up the silverware, it hit me that I didn't wash a single small fork. It hit me like a punch to the gut. I teared up right there, salinizing my now dingy dishwater.

Many of these moments are anticipated. I know that when I go to bed each night, she won't be there. I can prepare for that. It's the moments that sneak up on me, like the fork incident, that make this so blasted hard. Like when I was watching the finale to "The Biggest Loser" and Phil came out on stage. He had lost over 130 lbs! I sat up and actually said, "Christy, look..." I stopped. She wasn't there to share my shock at Phil's amazing transformation. But we always watched the finale together! Unfair! Oh well, I know that won't be the last of these moments. I only pray that future moments will hurt just a little less.

Dreaming of little forks,



mary-katherine said...

You know Josh that is so weird that the small fork thing happend to you. Today at work we had our Christmas party. Some of us give oraments to each other. One of the ladys (that I car pool with) gave me a red bird. That was Aunt Rennie's favorite. The lady said to me. I thought of Mary-Katherine when I seen this. I started to cry, because I have thought Mary-Katheirne that when we see a red bird that Aunt Rennie is looking down on us. She told me that she did not mean to upset me. She did not really upset me it was just that it brought back memories. So use a small fork from time to time. Christy will be looking down on you.

contempoxian said...

I know you'll be together for the ultimate finale. Though that probably brings little to no comfort now.
Hang in there.
Thanks for being real.